


my heart is filling itself (with you, again)

by fools_mp3



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, but honestly it's mostly guanlin/jihoon centered, honestly, i tagged the people that had lines, its only some DIET ANGST, the gr8est song, this is like around the time of their debut/promo/time, this was supposed to be fluff, title taken from NEVER
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 23:59:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11702556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fools_mp3/pseuds/fools_mp3
Summary: The five times Guanlin thinks Jihoon is asleep (and the last time he realizes he isn't.)





	my heart is filling itself (with you, again)

**i.**

  


Maybe it’s the exhaustion from the constant promos they had gone through, or maybe it’s the fact that Jihoon has unresolved feelings he has yet to find within himself, but when Guanlin reaches over a sleeping Daehwi to ask if Jihoon is feeling alright on the ride home, Jihoon snaps.

 

“I’m fine, stop asking me if I’m okay,” Jihoon hisses.

 

Jihoon regrets it as soon as it comes out of his mouth. Jihoon hates himself, and he hates himself even more when he sees the flash of hurt that shows up on Guanlin’s face.

 

“I-that’s not what I- I-” Jihoon starts.

 

The air is heavy, and he can tell the others heard him snap at Guanlin. They’re shocked, but they all quickly try to conceal it by keeping themselves busy with their phones.

 

Guanlin’s face quickly morphs into a slight smile though, and he shakes his head and leans back into his chair. “It’s alright, hyung. Get some sleep, okay? There’s still at least 20 minutes left ‘til we’re home.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon says quietly. “I’m just exhausted, and j-just. I didn’t mean to snap at you okay?”

 

Jihoon regrets snapping at Guanlin, realizing that Guanlin’s only trying to check on him. Guanlin just smiles at him.

 

“It’s okay, hyung. Just get some sleep now, okay?”

 

Jihoon still feels guilty, and his heart aches knowing he hurt Guanlin, but he pushes it away, to get some shut-eye, even if it’s just for twenty minutes.

 

He’s almost asleep, when he hears it. It’s barely audible, but he’s always had a keen sense of hearing.

 

“Guanlin? Are you okay?”

 

It’s Woojin. Jihoon can tell by the heavy Busan accent. It always comes out when Woojin’s exhausted.

 

“Yeah, no worries, hyung. Thanks.”

 

“You know he didn’t mean it, right? Jihoon? He’s probably just tired.”

 

“Yeah,” Guanlin murmurs. “Just wish he’d let me in sometimes.”

  


**ii.**

 

During dance practice, when Guanlin trips over himself for the 800th time in the past hour, Jisung decides to call a break.

 

“Ten minutes, okay? I think we need the break,” he calls out, wiping the copious amount of sweat on his forehead with a towel.

 

The others groan in happiness, settling down on the floor.

 

Jaehwan throws himself against the mirror and sighs happily. “You guys, the mirror feels so cool and nice.”

 

The rest perk up at the thought and crawl their way towards the mirror, placing their cheeks against the surface. They sigh in content.

 

Guanlin, on the other hands, looks frustrated with himself. He sits in the corner away from everyone else, a hand tightly holding a bottle of water, the other in a fist. He has his eyebrows furrowed, and he seems upset.

 

Jihoon almost doesn’t notice in the comforts of the cool mirror against his cheek, but something in his chest aches, and he looks up to see Guanlin upset. Intuition, is it? He doesn’t really know. Regardless, he pries himself away from the mirror, and slowly walks over to Guanlin.

 

Though Jihoon’s not particularly quiet while walking up to him, Guanlin doesn’t move an inch, an indication that he doesn’t even notice Jihoon’s there. He takes a seat next to him on the floor, but makes no move to go any closer.

 

“Guanlin?” Jihoon starts.

 

Guanlin looks up suddenly, and his eye soften, knowing that it’s Jihoon. Still, he looks upset.

 

“Oh, hi.”

 

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

 

Guanlin sighs. He looks like he’s about to push Jihoon away, and ignore him, but against Jihoon’s thoughts, he continues speaking.

 

“I’m-” he stops. “Why do you think I debuted, hyung?”

 

Jihoon’s taken aback. How could Guanlin ask such a ridiculous question? “What?”

 

“Why do you think I debuted, hyung?” Guanlin repeats. His eyes are sad, and Jihoon hurts for him.

 

When Jihoon is at a loss for words, Guanlin continues. “‘Cos Daniel debuted because he’s super charming and has a sexy and mature side -- the ahjummas love it. Ong’s dancing skills are insane, but even more his variety is seriously amazing. Woojin’s one of the coolest rappers I’ve ever seen, and his dancing is out of this world. Minhyun’s vocal tone is really unique, Sungwoon is our moodmaker, Daehwi -- Daehwi’s been amazing since he got center. Jinyoung’s charming, Jaehwan’s vocals carry the team, a-and we wouldn’t be anywhere without Jisung, you know. A-and _you,_ you’re like all of them in one. Our ace, a-and-”

 

“ _And?”_ Jihoon interrupts. Jihoon is angry that Guanlin thinks so low of himself.

 

“And,” Guanlin slumps.

 

It’s weird to see him like this. In his awkward, lanky, albeit tall body, Guanlin seems small. Jihoon easily forgets that Guanlin’s still young, and in a foreign country, at that. Guanlin’s always had an excited and naive aura to him -- always glad to be whisked off to the next thing. He is experiencing his dream after all. But now, Guanlin seems small.

 

“And, I don’t know why I’m here.”

 

Jihoon swears he heard his heart crack at that. “ _What?”_

 

“I-I’m not that good of a rapper, 70% of the time I don’t even know what you guys are saying when we go on a show, I’m not funny, and my dancing sucks. And now, I’m even holding you guys back --- I mean, the only reason Jisung insisted we take a break was ‘cos he kept seeing me mess up. And it must be bad enough ‘cos I’m already in the back corner, but I guess it’s still noticeable enough t-”

 

“ _Hey!_ Stop that, _”_ Jihoon interrupts him. “Don’t _ever_ say that you’re holding us back again.”

 

Guanlin eyes widen at Jihoon’s outburst. “Hyung-”

 

“And while we’re at it, don’t _ever_ say, let alone think, that you don’t deserve to be here as much as the rest of us, okay?”

 

Guanlin stares at him with wide eyes for a long while. It’s as if he’s trying to decide what to say, but after a while he just swallows and nods.

 

“Guanlin-ah, you know what’s so great about you?”

 

He shakes his head. “You’re _resilient_.”

 

When Guanlin tilts his head in confusion, Jihoon continues. “You improve so much, so quickly, in such a short amount of time. Against all odds, you went on a survival show, with _six months_ of training. You went to live in a country when you didn’t even know the language. You pick things up and practice and practice, until you’re better. You work hard so you don’t let your fans, your family, or the people around you down. And most importantly, you work hard so you don’t let yourself down.”

 

Guanlin starts to smile, and Jihoon scoots forward to slip his hand in Guanlin’s.

 

“You know why you’re here, Guanlin-ah?” he says, softly. “Because you’re inspiring. You inspire everyone around you to follow their dreams, to keep working hard, because it all pays off in the end.”

 

At this point, Guanlin is grinning, and Jihoon can’t help but mirror his smile back.

 

Jisung calls “Five more minutes!”

 

Jihoon jumps up, still clutching tightly onto Guanlin’s hand. Guanlin’s yanked up by the sudden movement, and yelps.

 

“Come on, I’ll help you with the choreography,” he offers.

 

“Aw hyung, we still have five more minutes!” Guanlin whines.

 

“You wanna do well, don’t you?” Jihoon raises his eyebrows.

 

Guanlin laughs. “Yeah, yeah I do. Thanks hyung!”

  


Later at night, when they’re all back in the dorms, Guanlin crawls into Jihoon’s bed. Jihoon jolts at the sudden movement on his bed, and turns to see Guanlin settling himself under his blankets.

 

“What are you doing?” Jihoon groans. “You have the biggest bed out of all of us!”

 

Guanlin giggles. “I like it better with you, though, hyung.”

 

Jihoon sighs again, but doesn’t protest. Truth be told, a warm feeling settles in his stomach whenever Guanlin’s around. It makes him feel like he’s home.

 

“I’m going to sleep now, don’t bother me, okay?” Jihoon says firmly, but it’s no use. Guanlin know’s Jihoon is teasing.

 

Guanlin nods, and moves to wrap himself around Jihoon. He buries his head into Jihoon’s neck, and Jihoon knows it’s probably uncomfortable, considering their height difference, but Guanlin doesn’t budge, and instead sighs contently when he’s all settled. “Alright, hyung.”

 

“I just said to not bother me,” Jihoon mumbles, cocooned against Guanlin’s limbs, but he doesn’t make any effort to break free.

  


Jihoon’s finally drifting off to sleep with the comforting warmth that Guanlin radiates when he feels Guanlin kiss the nape of his neck. His skin prickles, but he’s scared of what will happen if he moves. He stills instead, and focuses hard on keeping his breathing even.

 

“Thanks for everything, hyung. You have no idea how much you mean to me,” Guanlin mumbles against Jihoon’s skin.

 

Jihoon’s heart beats loud against his chest, and it doesn’t stop until he hears Guanlin’s breathing even out.

 

**iii.**

 

Jisung is full of great ideas. Great ideas to him, at least. The rest of Wanna One kind of want to fight their leader when it comes down to it, though. But in Jisung’s book at least, they’re great ideas.

 

That’s what Jisung absolutely _insists_ , when he ties the red ribbon around Jihoon and Guanlin’s wrist, tying them together.

 

“I can’t believe they let you keep the ribbons,” Jihoon whines, yanking on it.

 

Jisung grins. “The managers thought it was a _great_ idea. See? It’s not just me who thinks I spew out great ideas!”

 

When Wanna One Go filming ended, Jisung decided that the strategy they had used to get closer was a great idea. He had asked YMC if it would be okay to keep the strings, so that whenever two members fight, even in their daily lives, they would get attached together until they resolved it. YMC thought it was a great idea, the others, on the other hand did not.

 

Fortunately, they never really had to use it. Until now, at least. Jihoon is more embarrassed and ashamed that Guanlin and him were the first to have to be attached. Especially now, that Jisung is putting it on them in front of everyone. They’re all gathered in the living room, watching the newest Spider-man.

 

After Jisung finishes tying the knot, he admires his handiwork and grins. “You guys are going to be stuck together until we all mutually agree that this is resolved and you guys stop being weird, alright?”

 

Jihoon’s brow furrows. “We’re not being weird!”

 

Daehwi snickers. “Hey Jinyoung, let’s ignore each other for a week too so we can get attached at the hip.”

 

“ _Hey_! We haven't been ignoring each other!” Jihoon protests.

 

“You guys are already attached at the hip,” Minhyun deadpans at the same time.

 

Everyone else laughs. Jinyoung just shrugs.

 

“We really don’t need the ribbon,” Jinyoung laughs, not afraid to admit that he and Daehwi spend all their time together. “And, you’re right, Jihoon. You guys didn’t ignore each other. You just avoided Guanlin.”

 

Daehwi kicks Jinyoung, and Jinyoung yelps. Everyone else avoids Jihoon and Guanlin’s eyes, awkwardly.

 

“What?” Jinyoung groans, rubbing at the spot Daehwi kicked.

 

“You didn’t have to say that in front of them,” Daehwi hisses.

 

“I thought we were joking!”

 

“Yeah, but it’s not _really a joke,_ is it…”

 

 

Jihoon wasn’t avoiding Guanlin. He wasn’t, right? He turns to Guanlin, who’s arm connected to the red string lies limp in between them on the couch. Guanlin stayed quiet throughout the whole discourse, and now more than ever, Jihoon wishes he could read Guanlin. But Guanlin has always been like that, good at hiding his emotions with a blank and awkward look.

 

Guanlin stays quiet, focusing on the TV with such a fixed look, it’s obvious he’s not paying attention. He pays no mind to the fact that Jihoon and him were now attached, yet again (except this time it’s not for filming, and this time, it’s not something that was a reward), and continues to watch the movie, as the mood settles into something more lighthearted when Ong starts imitating Spider-man.

  
  


 

It’s not until everybody’s already headed to bed that Guanlin finally speaks up.

 

“Wanna wash up?”

 

“Yeah, go ahea- oh,” Jihoon’s been so lost in thought that he almost forgot they were stuck together.

 

Guanlin cracks a smile and holds up their arms. “Yep.”

 

“Yeah, let’s go brush our teeth,” Jihoon nods, getting up.

  
  


Standing side by side, brushing their teeth, Jihoon’s mind wanders. _I haven’t really.. been avoiding him, right?_

 

Truthfully, he knows he’s been avoiding Guanlin. But, he didn’t mean it to be so _obvious_ . After Guanlin had kissed his neck last week, something within their relationship was thrown off kilt. And it wasn’t that he was worried about Guanlin, but rather about himself. _Why was his heart beating 200 miles an hour? It was just a light peck. It’s not like they’ve never kissed each other before like that, so casually. But why did it feel different that time? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about Guanlin’s words? The goosebumps he got afterwards? The warmth he feels when he’s around Guanlin?_

 

It confused and scared him too much -- and a habit he’s always had is running and hiding when he’s scared. He didn’t mean to do it for the past week. But whenever he tried to act normal around Guanlin, his skin prickled, his heart raced, and his mind got thrown of balance. Jihoon felt _so_ _stupid_ to be feeling that way, over something so small and dumb. Guanlin acted normal around him, what was wrong with Jihoon that he couldn’t do the same?

 

It started to become instinct -- running away from Guanlin. Whenever Guanlin sat next to him, he would squish his way in between someone else -- whether it was between Minhyun and Woojin, Jisung and Jaehwan or whomever. At night, he’d always head to bed earlier than the rest of them, to avoid any interactions of Guanlin sleeping next to him again. Even at practice, Jihoon, who was always keen on being Guanlin’s designated helper, had taken to helping out Jaehwan instead. It had left Guanlin dumbfounded and lost, the first time Jihoon made a beeline towards Jaehwan when they broke up into little groups to help each other out. The others noticed something was slightly off between them, but let it go.

 

Finally, the tension between them had gotten unbearable that Jisung decided to step in.

  
  


When they finish brushing their teeth and start to get settled in bed (Guanlin’s, this time. It’s _bigger_ , Jihoon insisted.), Jihoon turns towards Guanlin to find that Guanlin’s already staring intently at him. Guanlin’s adjusted himself so he’s lying face to face next to Jihoon.

 

“You know I didn’t mean to avoid you, right? Not intentionally, at least?” Jihoon says, softly.

 

Guanlin is quiet for a moment.

 

“It’s-. Did I do something wrong?” Guanlin whispers, careful not to wake Minhyun, Jaehwan, and Woojin up.

 

“What -- no!” Jihoon insists. “It’s just, it’s me, okay? Don’t worry. I’m just going through something right now.”

 

“Hyung,” Guanlin whispers, looking at him sadly.

 

Recently, Jihoon is surprised by the other sides of himself Guanlin has been showing. Guanlin is never one for showing much emotion other than excitement or happiness, and was never one to so openly express their feelings to someone else. He’s happy that he’s one of the few to experience different sides of Guanlin, but he’s sad that Guanlin seems like he’s having an internal battle with himself.

 

“Hyung,” Guanlin repeats, his warm breath softly hitting Jihoon’s face. He smells like peppermint.  “I wish you’d tell me what was wrong sometimes.”

 

Jihoon’s face softens. He remembers back to a few weeks ago in the car and Guanlin’s conversation with Woojin. “It’s nothing, Guanlin-ah. I’ll be fine, okay?”

 

Guanlin looks like he’s going to press some more, but instead he smiles, poking at Jihoon’s side. Jihoon yelps, and Guanlin hurriedly shushes him, careful not to wake the others. “Okay, hyung. But you’ll talk to me about anything, right?”

 

Jihoon can’t talk to him about what he’s feeling. Not yet, at least. He, himself, doesn’t even know what he’s feeling.

 

But nonetheless, he gives Guanlin a soft smile and says, “Of course. Let’s sleep now, okay?”

 

He closes his eyes first, letting his mind wander and drift off. His worries start to slowly drift away, and he’s halfway to falling asleep.

 

He, until he feels the warmth of Guanlin’s hand slip into his. Though Jihoon is intent on keeping his eyes closed, he feels Guanlin bring up their entwined hands to his face, and suddenly, _suddenly,_ he feels Guanlin give a light kiss to Jihoon’s hands.

 

**iv.**

 

Jihoon is angry. Jihoon is angry _,_ because his favorite white button up, is now an ugly grey. With pink spots. _Pink._

 

 _“What the fuck, Guanlin,”_ Jihoon inhales, holding up the balled up cloth in his hand.

 

“Uh,” Guanlin’s face is red, and he scratches the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact with Jihoon.

 

“Pink. Just like the A ranking?” Guanlin tries.

 

Jihoon doesn’t budge. “It is _ruined,_ Guanlin. _Ruined._ This was my favorite shirt!”

 

Guanlin looks ashamed and he looks at Jihoon apologetically. “I’m sorry! I was only trying to help and do laundry for everyone. I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to _mix_ the clothes??”

 

Jihoon sighs. “Haven’t you ever done laundry?”

 

Guanlin shakes his head sheepishly. “My mom always did it for me.”

 

Jihoon sighs, sliding against the wall in the hallway (a bit overdramatically, to be honest) and looks at the crumpled mess that was his favorite shirt.

 

Guanlin sits next to him, and keeps his head down. “I’m sorry, hyung. I’ll fix it, I swear! I’ll look up how to turn shirts back to white. I’ll fix it, I really will.”

 

Jihoon appreciates the determination in Guanlin’s voice, but he’s still upset. He knows it’s impossible.

 

“It’s whatever, Guanlin. The damage is done,” Jihoon sighs. “I’m going to, take a nap or something, okay?”

 

“But hyung, we’re supposed to watch that movie together. The others are waiting,” Guanlin’s face drops when he realizes just how much he fucked up.

 

“Just - Just tell them I’m tired, alright? I’m not really feeling up to it anymore. I’m kind of tired now,” Jihoon says, getting up from the floor to head to his room and the warm confines of his blankets, leaving Guanlin behind.

 

He drifts off to sleep fairly easily, but with the cold air that winter brings, he realizes that one blanket is not enough. He falls in and out of sleep throughout his nap due to shaking so much from the cold, and it’s not until he realizes that someone is putting a blanket over him, does he finally stop shivering. He can’t tell who it is, too tired to open his eyes and fully wake up yet.

 

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

 

Jihoon recognizes the awkward tone.

 

“Why do I keep messing it up with you?” A sigh. “I’m trying so hard. I don’t want to mess it up with you but I still am.”

 

Jihoon holds his breath, and it’s so quiet that he thinks Guanlin’s gone. _What is he saying? Messing what up? Trying so hard?_ Jihoon is about to open his eyes and check if Guanlin’s left, when he feels slightly dry lips kiss his forehead. He almost scrunches his face up, surprised from the contact, but he wills his heart to stop racing and for him to calm down.

 

It’s not until he hears the door close does he finally let out his breath.

  
  


**fin.**

 

**(v.)**

  


If there’s one thing Jihoon hates about being in the biggest room, is the fact that there’s 4 other people he has to share the room with. Usually, he wouldn’t mind, and he’s thankful that he shares the room with the members he’s closest with, but at this point in time, Jihoon, hates it.

 

He’s laying on his bed, earphones on, trying to block out the sound of Minhyun, Jaehwan, Woojin, and Guanlin all play Monopoly on the floor, but their incessant arguing over property consistently interrupts his thoughts. He feels off lately, and at this point in time, really would just like some time for himself to think.

 

They’ve been whisked off to schedule after schedule, and though he’s wanted to make it a point to sort out his feelings, he was usually too busy and exhausted to keep himself in check.

 

But with promos finally done with their debut,and individual members doing individual schedules, Jihoon has finally had time to breathe. And with that time, his mind has always eventually wandered to Guanlin.  


Guanlin who’s so fond of him, Guanlin who’s so fucking tall, and handsome, and happy, and innocent, and resilient, and Guanlin -- who’s his best friend. Who’s there to check up on him when he’s exhausted, there when he feels like trying out weird food concoctions at 2am (to this day, he still believes Oreos with nutella in the middle is a _great idea_ ), and Guanlin -- who’s there to keep the butterflies in his stomach alive. Guanlin who he realizes he likes, Guanlin who he realizes he probably shouldn’t like, Guanlin who he likes anyway.

 

 _Guanlin_ , who is also currently yelling at Jaehwan about Monopoly Jail.

 

“Hyung,” Guanlin whines. “You gave me that jail card on purpose!! I saw you! I’m not going!”

 

“You were the one who picked the card,” Jaehwan says incredulously. “You’re cheating!”  


“But _you_ knew I was going next! And put that card there on purpose! I swear on it, I saw you-”

 

Jihoon shoots up from his bed, and the rest look over at him, at the sudden movement.

 

“Oh, hyung,” Guanlin says surprised.   


“We thought you were asleep,” Minhyun says. “Wanna play with us?”

 

“Actually, you can play on the same team as me,” Woojin whines. “I’m losing. Help me win.”

 

“Uh,” Jihoon scratches the back of his head. “I’m not really feeling it, right now? I’ll just go to the couch and sleep there tonight.”

 

Jihoon gets up to head to the living room, dragging his blanket and pillow with him. He smiles at his roommates when he exits, and he hears Minhyun call out.

 

“Goodnight! Sorry we were too loud.”

 

Jihoon waves his hands towards their general direction in acknowledgement and shuffles to the couch, dropping his pillow first, before plopping his whole body onto it. He’s too lazy and exhausted to fix the fact that he’s sleeping on top of his blanket instead of under it.

 

He sighs, popping his earphones back in, and closing his eyes, relieved at the lack of background voices.

 

The feeling of calmness is short-lived though, when he feels someone adjusting his body on the couch, and the feeling of being tucked under a blanket. He slowly pops one eye open, to see Guanlin adjusting the blanket and pillow for Jihoon. When Guanlin realizes that Jihoon is staring at him, he freezes.

 

He seems almost alarmed, as if he’s doing something wrong, but it’s completely changed into a smile. “Didn’t want you to be uncomfortable. Are you still cold? Do you want me to get you another blanket?”

 

Jihoon just looks at him, and when he wills himself to talk, it’s as if his voice gives out. Instead he shakes his head, and Guanlin just nods.

 

“Okay.” Guanlin looks at him again, and when it’s clear that Jihoon isn’t going to say anything he makes to stand up. “Well. If you need anything, just call me, okay, hyung?”

 

He has his back turned, and is already walking back towards their room, when Jihoon finally gets the courage to speak.

 

“Guanlin,” he croaks. His throat is dry.

 

Guanlin freezes, as if he knows what’s about to come.

 

“Yeah?” he says, but doesn’t turn around.

 

“Sit with me first,” Jihoon says, maneuvering himself to sit up.

 

Guanlin stays frozen for a few seconds, and Jihoon’s scared he’s about to make some excuse not to, when he slowly turns around and pads back over to the couch. He slides his way underneath the blanket, but doesn’t face Jihoon, instead bringing his knees up to his face and laying his chin on his knees.

 

They sit their in silence for a couple of minutes, mainly because Jihoon is too scared to speak. He didn’t think this through. He wasn’t _ready to talk yet, for god’s sake._ It’s too late now though, and Jihoon takes a deep breath.

  
“Guanlin, out of everyone, why do you take care of me the most?”

Guanlin turns to look at him, head tilted in confusion.

 

“Because you’re my favorite hyung,” as it if was the simplest answer in the world.

 

Jihoon fidgets. “Is that it? Because I’m your favorite? Why am I your favorite?”

 

Guanlin’s face flashes with something Jihoon can’t recognize, and just as fast as it was there, it was gone in an instant, to a blank look that Guanlin has a habit of putting on.

  


“Because,’ he says again. “You’re my best friend.”

 

Jihoon’s heart drops. “Oh. Right.”

 

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe what Guanlin was feeling wasn’t the same as what he was feeling.

 

“Because I’m your best friend,” he repeats, gaze focusing on his fingers as he fidgets. He repeats this again, more so for himself.

 

“Jihoon?”

 

“Yeah?” Jihoon looks up to Guanlin searching his face. Jihoon feels vulnerable, and he ducks his head down and his feels himself flushing red.

 

“That’s not the only reason why,” Guanlin says, and it’s so quiet that Jihoon almost misses it.

 

“What?”

 

“That’s,” Guanlin’s voice grows louder, more confident.

 

“That’s not the only reason why,” he says firmly.

 

Jihoon tilts his head in confusion, and he hopes Guanlin isn’t about to play with his heart, because he feels his chest hollowing itself out enough as it is.

 

“Hyung,” Guanlin announces. He looks awkward, with the way he’s hunched into himself, knees to his chest, but his eyes are different. His eyes are shining and happy. “Hyung, I like you.”  


Jihoon’s eyes widen, and he thinks he feels his heart leap out of his chest. “What?”

 

“I like you. A lot. And I don’t want you to feel pressured to say anything back to me, and I know we’re not going to be members together forever, or roommates, but I hope we’re best friends forever. And I know that if I don’t say something now, something might happen and you might not be my best friend anymore. But I’m saying it now, because I want you to know, but I also want you to know that I won’t do anything about it. And you don’t have to act different around me, and everything can still be normal,” Guanlin rambles, and Jihoon swears he doesn’t think he’s ever heard Guanlin talk that fast and flustered.

 

“Well, this sucks.”

 

Guanlin’s eyes widen, and his face falls. “I-I’m sorry, hyung. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you? Things really will be normal still, I promise. I won’t try anything you don’t have to wo-”

 

“It _sucks_ because I was hoping you would do something about it.”

 

“-rry at all, I - _what?”_

 

“You won’t do anything about it?” Jihoon repeats, pouting. “Why not? I was kind of hoping that since I kissed you when we made it, I would finally get something in return.”

 

It takes a minute for Guanlin to process what Jihoon says, but Jihoon knows he understands when Guanlin’s smile grows on his face, and his eyes are shaped into little crescent heart moons with his eye dimples, coming out.

 

“Seriously, hyung?”

 

“What?”  


“You’re not lying to me, right? You’re not just joking?” Guanlin says.

 

“I- yeah,” Jihoon says, confused. “Of course. I’m being serious.”

 

Guanlin nods, and is quiet for a second. “When I said I liked you, I meant I like _liked_ you.”

 

Jihoon laughs, nodding. “I know. Are you going to give me that kiss now?”

  
“I- okay,” Guanlin says, and he tentatively leans forward to peck Jihoon on the cheek.

 

Jihoon frowns. “That was lame. Didn’t you say you _like-liked_ me?”

 

“Hey-”

 

Jihoon doesn’t let Guanlin finish, and soon his mouth is on Guanlin’s, and he _melts._

He thinks it’s better than all the cheek kisses they’ve ever shared, that it’s almost as good as sleeping next to each other, and that it’s equally as good as the times they would hold hands and just be in the comforts of each other.

 

Guanlin’s lips are kind of dry, and he’s also kind of awkward, but he tastes like peaches and happiness. Jihoon thinks Guanlin’s confidence grows a bit, because soon he’s swiping his tongue inside Jihoon’s mouth, and Jihoon thinks the world is ending. Nevertheless, Jihoon doesn’t think he wants to ever let this moment go.

**Author's Note:**

> i have never in my life been confident enough to post my writings but i love panwink too much and there's basically zero panwink content on here so. guess i have to write my own!
> 
> rip
> 
> anyway i hope u liked it!! i had so much fun writing it. this is actually the fastest piece of work i've ever cranked out 'cos i loved it, and them too much :^)
> 
> if u wanna find me, my twitter is [here](https://twitter.com/guanIinist)


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